charm me with your sinister smile.

i feel like crap now.

whatever happened on wednesday was a huge mistake. i shouldn't have given in. giving in to either you or me was something that maybe neither one of us could have handled. and then you left me hanging there for no reason. you said you had work. and you didn't reply me for three days, did you have any idea as to what i went through the past three days? i kept thinking of what happened. i kept hoping that it would change everything. that you would still be by my side no matter what happened. was i that wrong to hope? i just wish that i can sit you down and tell you everything. and pour my heart out to you. but everytime. things happen and i end up storing everything inside. i want to let you know. maybe i just want to cry and let you hold me. for just this once. it doesn't matter what happens after that. okay. maybe it does. i dont kow what i want. but i know that i dont have proper closure. and i dont want to lose you more than i already have. maybe now i'm lost and confused. but what i know is that i want to take things a step at a time. and i want to do that with you. maybe this way, i learn how to love myself. and not be smothered by my love for you. because thats not the way i wanted this to be. i'm not someone who just lets go without a fight. and i want to fight until the end. because its you i'm fighting for.


i hate the F1 race. caused me to go home on foot.

and i want to say sorry for my outburst. i wont regret wednesday. because i love you. because there is nothing i can do to show you that. i didnt dare to cry because i didnt want you to leave. i wanted nothing more than to make you happy. and make every moment count. but i guess my emotions make that quite impossible for it to happen.

i would want breakfast again. anything so that i can see you again. anything to know that you still care. anything.

just like i predicted.
i'll sink before i swim.